The Yin/Yang of Salsa Dancing
My Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers-DreamII have always wanted to join a dance class. For many years I had a partner that turned up his nose at dancing so I gave up on my Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers dream. Then last year, when I became a single girl again, I used my new found independence to realize my ambition of becoming a graceful ballroom dancer. I signed up for a dance class all by myself. The staff at this particular school brought in additional men and made sure there were always enough partners for all the single gals with dancing feet. In this way, I had a regular dance partner without having to schlep one to the dance floor on my own.
Thus began my adventure with Salsa dancing.
You might not believe it but the essence of human life, with all it's separation, conflict and challenge, is revealed on the dance floor. No exaggeration! This particular Latin dance is an extreme example of the balancing of yin and yang - the masculine and the feminine - the polarity that is most essential to human existence. This magical blending of opposites is both that which gives us a sense of individuality and that which allows us to merge into oneness. You can learn all the steps of the dance, master all the figures and have a great sense of rhythm - but - when all is said and done, you cannot dance alone. One partner takes the lead and the other follows. This is where it gets interesting.
So go ahead. Guess who leads and who follows in Salsa.
Here I was, with years of the politics of feminism in my backpack, trying week after week to surrender my authoritative and deeply controlling nature (and my feet) to the insecure direction of a group of clumsy men. Gentle men, who for the first time in their lives were learning what it might mean to lead.
In my dance class, we always form a circle of couples, we are about 30 dancers in all, and we dance a combination of steps with a partner for a minute or two. Then the music stops and each woman moves along to the next man, dancing for a few minutes with him before we change again. And so we go from man to man around the circle. With each new man, I must adjust to his size, scent, grace, rhythm and confidence. Each time, I practice letting go of control, holding him lightly and letting him lead.
Wow, what a learning experience!
Over and over the teacher admonishes us women not to take over the lead, not to hold on too tight, not to "help" the men. Just follow. We try to hold back. We try to let go and let the men lead. But it is so hard - so very hard. Believe me allowing yourself to be led by an insecure, confused, male partner is not as easy as you might imagine. But we don't give up, we keep on practicing, we keep on trying, we keep on dancing. And as we do, the women learn to connect with the instinctual inner feminine fire and the men learn to connect with their masculine inner authority.
The men in my class present a broad variety of the species. One or two are self-assured and feel confident as they whirl me around the floor. No need to talk. No time to talk. The gentle but insistent way they lead me around the floor says it all. I love these smoothly masculine guys. I am totally seduced and it feels so easy to follow them wherever they want to take me. Other men seem so helpless. It is a challenge to follow their clumsy uncertain steps. I feel sorry for how they suffer this experience. Still other men cover their mistakes by giving advice and criticism in the few seconds before I move on to the next partner.
In dance class there is no need to impress the opposite sex through the standard means. Brilliant conversational skills, job qualifications, financial stability - the usual measure of a potential partner's suitability are completely irrelevant here. Even physical beauty doesn't seem to count for much. How you move your body is all that really matters in this game.
And as the weeks go by, we all improve.
It has now been 7 or 8 months since I started my dance classes. I have begun to deeply enjoy the feeling of a man who is able to gracefully lead me without being either a macho bully or an insecure bore. It is such a delight to feel how a man's skillfully executed direction allows me to fall fully into an easy feminine response. My feet know the way. My head relaxes. Unity is restored to the Universe. In our dance, I come into contact with myself as a deliciously sexy feminine force. There is no loss of authority and nothing to give up. It is as if I am being led back to some essential part of the human experience. Following a man's lead on the dance floor turns into something naturally blissful. When in balance, our dance is effortless and satisfying. It restores my hope that the masculine and feminine can be a healing elixir for those who can bring these inner forces into balance. They meet, they merge, they dance as one and peace is mysteriously restored - yin and yang in perfect balance.
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