Ode to the Clit Maggie Tapert, 03.2003

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"Some men see things as they are and say why,
I dream things that never were and say why not.”
-George Bernard Shaw

Have you heard about the popular movement sweeping across Western Europe called CLIT SNATCHING? Actually, snatchers have been around almost forever although you may not have noticed them or the undercover work that they do. The snatchers’ avowed mission in life is to continue the ancient practice of keeping women passive, quiet, obedient and out of trouble. I am not referring to some weird practice of genital mutilation that uses knives or sharp stones to do the job. No, the snatchers work on the mental/emotional level, using guilt and shame as their basic tools. For western Europeans, especially women, this is by far the most effective technique of sexual and emotional control.

Most woman who love the body that the Goddess has given them, have long since seen through the myths and misconceptions spread by our churches, politicians, doctors, psychiatrists and other snatchers. Although there has been some confusion about the issue, we know through personal experience with our own bodies that our primary organ of sexual satisfaction is our clitoris and not our vagina. Hey, don’t get me wrong. I am not knocking the vagina. I like mine and it is useful for a number of things, not the least of which is delivering babies out of the womb and into the waiting world. But unlike the vagina, which on most days is a rather dark and quiet place, our clits are packed with 8000 wonderfully sensitive nerve endings just hanging around waiting to be touched, loved, stroked and adored. Imagine a string of Christmas tree lights being plugged into an electrical socket and twinkling in a most magical way when they light up. This delightfully sensitive organ, which anatomically corresponds to the penis in a man, has only one function that justifies its existence – PLEASURE. Unlike the penis, the clitoris was not created to deliver urine or sperm or anything else of a practical nature. In fact the clit is anything but practical. The sole purpose of the clit is to make women feel good. Pure pleasure, nothing else. Wow, isn’t that fantastic? Praise the Goddess for Her amazing creativity!

Now, these snatchers that I mentioned earlier want to take us back to the dark ages of female sexuality. They want to convince us that real women will patiently wait, hope and long for their pleasure to be delivered via the only socially acceptable form known to our Western society – vaginal penetration. According to the snatchers, couples who have struggled for years with their sexual incompatibility (he wants more, she wants less or vice versa) or who are searching for more meaningful sexual experiences (cosmic orgasms) will find the solution to the age-old male/female dilemma in this form of love making. Being of a curious nature, I attended one of these programs with my partner and I gathered some first-hand experience with the system. The program offers some nice techniques for developing intimacy but the core message on which the program is based is this: give up focusing on orgasm, especially a woman’s. Allow the penis to rest in the vagina and eventually (some years from now, if you practice diligently) the loving feelings will be so profound that you will no longer want an orgasm.

The person behind the modern snatcher movement is a man by the name of Barry Long. He taught his followers that it was the penis that created the wound in women’s vaginas and therefore it is the penis that needs to heal it. You might be surprised to know how many women love to hear this statement. I mean the part about the penis doing some healing work for a change. I noticed how a buzz of appreciation went through the women when Mr. Long pronounces this fairytale platitude before groups. Ok, I was thinking to myself, the penis (with some pretty disturbing and destructive power behind it) has beaten us into submission—raped, tortured and burned at the stake any woman who dared to stand against its power. Now we are being encouraged to forget about this testosterone-driven "fuck and kill” aspect of uncontrolled male energy and instead to focus on the compassionate nature of men. If we just lie still and make no demands, men are now going to bring healing to us instead of pain.

Wait, wait, WAIT! Something is seriously wrong with this picture. Let’s reexamine the facts. I do understand that men today feel threatened and insecure in many ways. Women have grown in strength both professionally and spiritually. And now we have the audacity to imply that we can be powerful and independent in our sexuality as well. Yikes! That must be really scary for today’s sensitive men. But is the appeasement of men’s insecurity only to be found in the abandonment and/or destruction of female sexual power? Isn’t that territory that we have already covered in the last two or three thousand years?

Female pleasure—and the pressure to figure it out—seems like such a burden to some men. It seems that if women would be satisfied by the presence of the penis moving in their vaginas, life would be so much easier for all concerned. Dull, predictable and easy. Sigmund Freud received a lot of praise in his day for giving men the confidence that they needed to continue denying women the pleasure of experiencing their full sexual power. As far as we know, Freud had neither a vagina nor a clitoris yet like many men, he considered himself an expert on the subject. He used his psychoanalytical experience with women to determine that a vaginal orgasm was mature and a clitoral orgasm was childish. And generations of men and women enthusiastically bought into his theory. Barry Long, and those who teach his theory, have built upon this misogynistic approach to female sexuality, insisting that women’s desire for clitoral stimulation is pathetic and childish. Women who hear this message become confused about their bodies and what gives them pleasure. They experience the reactivation of the shame and guilt program that they received growing up in a Christian culture that despises and rejects the physical. Using the tool of shame on women is effortless and effective. It cuts like a knife.

With Barry Long’s snatcher program, the man just sticks it in and that’s it. No stroking or licking necessary. If she doesn’t get wet, no problem, our teachers recommended using plenty of synthetic lubricant to replace a woman’s natural juices. Don’t rub or touch the clit, just lie each other’s arms and reconnect emotionally. Unhappy couples looking for a solution to the dismal, boring, uncreative sex life that they have, are hopeful that this will be the end of their struggle. He slows down and she denies her pleasure. Oh, if only it were this simple! It seems inevitable that any solution that a man comes up with to address today’s sexual malaise must have at its core the wondrous penis and it’s power to transform all things. How could it be otherwise? But must we castrate women in order to meet one another in a loving sexual dance?

***

I believe that for real change to happen in the quality and expression of our sexuality, women will have to let go of the old fairytale that has influenced us for so long. You know, the one about the prince riding in on his white charger, sword extended, cutting all barriers and finally setting us free with his magical transformational power. In my less romantic version of the tale, we women ride the horse ourselves and we wield the sword in our own hands, releasing from bondage our profound female power to live happily ever after in freedom and joy. What will really heal us from the damaging influences of the snatchers is the realization that what is needed will not come from outside. What is needed will come from within the female Self. We must be our own healers.

No matter how much I love my partner and no matter what amazing things we share together in bed or out, I recognize that the responsibility for the healing that I need in my life remains squarely with me. The responsibility to love and care from my body and experience the pleasure it contains also remains with me. The responsibility to discover the outer limits of my female sexual power is also mine. Likewise, to speak my truth and live joyfully is and always will be my own responsibility. I cannot give this job to someone else. I cannot wait and hope that a man’s penis will be the magic wand that will remove my suffering or awaken me from my long spiritual slumber. Learning to stand as women in our own strength is the only hope we have for building conscious, mature relationships with the men in our lives. If we want meaningful sexual exchange with men, we must first find our female power. This is the only possibility if we want to share authentic, heartfelt, energetically powerful sexuality with a partner. Self-responsibility will heal the wounds created by centuries of struggle between men and women. All illusion that we will find our salvation in "the other” must be shattered and dispersed and those who would have you think otherwise are lost in their own make-believe fairytales from the past.

Dear sisters, have the courage to let go of the old ways of sexual and emotional helplessness and dependency. Stand bravely on the threshold of this new age that honors our female energy and the flowing, balancing strength that it brings. Permission is here. Receive the invitation to step into the lineage of authentic female power. Your sexuality is a tool to help you find your way. Honor it. Do not cut it off or give it away. Run from those that would make you small. Bliss, joy and ecstasy are the instruments of your awakening and the tools that you need to bless and heal yourself and the world around you. Embrace them and be free.


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